upset with ME??????

If I ever decide to pursue a graduate degree in thought processing, I may have to look into this insane, peculiar habit I have. I have never understood this or even realized it was there before, but it's been there all my life. I KNOW it was there in high school, and I'm sure it was there earlier than that. I'm talking about the lag time between deciding that I need to do something and actually putting it into action. It's almost like having undeveloped rolls of film laying around...I may not even know what's on them, but as long as the pictures were taken, then I know they're there...sort of.
And thus it is with planning my commitments. I am finding out that I can have the best laid, most well-thought-through plans...but then it's like I just put them on the back burner for a day or two...out of sight, out of mind...and irresponsibly forge ahead without thinking about them, thus crashing deadlines and creating stress. I'm learning...slowly but surely. But beyond this, there is a moral lesson here, and that's the hardest pill to swallow. I want to be known as a reliable person who can be counted upon to do his best to bring his word to pass. That requires taking things more seriously than that.
Steven was upset with me yesterday. I had slipped up on some assignments that needed to go back. I wasn't thinking of it as any big deal. It was an oversight. But then Steven told me how disappointed and upset he was that the situation had occurred...and he let me know that he's not going to put up with that--that he's not going to be lenient about me not meeting my grading deadlines, and that he expects me to do whatever I need to do to be sure that these "slip-ups" don't occur.
Frankly, I 'm glad he's riding me about it. I probably just wasn't being careful enough about safe-guarding the "sacredness" (if I can use that word) of my commitments. Afterall, I said I'd do this...it's not like someone imposed in on me. Again, it's that lag-time thing...if I committed to doing this, then I needed to get right on the organization necessary to make it happen. DON'T GET ME WRONG: I do not enjoy the added pressure...I only recognize that it needs to be there.
But an even greater issue came out of this...and I realize that it's kind of odd: for Steve, this wasn't a routine thing. He was honestly upset with me that I had screwed up. And while I sure don't want him mad at me, still, I have to admit that it felt oddly...well, kinda nice. I don't mean that I was happy that I had upset him, but I was honestly flattered that he was interested enough in my success as a person that he took the whole thing so seriously. I'm not used to that.
Even today, he's been chiding with me about how I'm supposed to be his elder brother, mentor, and role model, and how it bothers him that he has to check up on me to see to it that I'm "behaving myself". He's my brother and my accountability partner...he has the right to chew me out...so that's okay. But he's about the only one I'd take that kind of reprimand of off and not really get offended. WHY? because I honestly think he cares. If he didn't, he wouldn't have got upset in the first place.
I'm an only child...having grown up without brothers or sisters. Furthermore, I was not close to my parents. I have an uncommonly good marriage (thank you Jesus) and a wonderful daughter, but my mom died when I was young and my dad and I weren't close. I have a lot of baggage to dig through from the past, but for probably about the first time in my life, I'm finding out what it feels like to be held to certain expectations, not for someone else's power trip or to avoid someone's inconvenience, but just out of genuine, caring concern for me and my personal success. I have never really known what is was to have someone put pressure on me to act in my own best interest and refuse to tolerate self-destructive excuse mongering just out of concern for me. So I just want to say thank you, Steven...it means a lot. I appreciate you.